The Usual Downs

Outside, white feathery flakes are softly falling, sneakily creating a cold blanket on the ground. The sky looks bleak with no indication of friendly rays pushing through. It must be cold today, and I will probably have to run... Making a run in the snow again is just the summit of my issues.

The last time I ran was exactly a week ago. Between then and now a whirlwind of events occurred for which I have been waiting for over two months, none of which (not surprisingly) involved running. Now they are past, and it's been seven days since I deliberately raised my heartbeat exercising and it's frigid and snowy... I want to remain inside curled up in a ball, warmed by blankets, seemingly without any type of worries. It's true--already I lack motivation (thinking more about the struggles I will have running than anything else).

And yet...

Today starts the official training time period for the Cherry Blossom Run. Running out of motivation is not permitted. I have to trudge forward. Mind over body? I'm not convincing myself.

On days like this I am thankful I have someone else pulling me along.


Time: 22 minutes
Place: Paved Park
Weather: Colder than cold!
Distance: 2.0 miles
Feeling: My thighs are frozen!
Overall grade: C

My Virginal Snow Run

My Running Rules:

1. Never run when the hair in your nostrils will freeze.
2. Never run when any form of precipitation is falling from the sky.
3. If you have to run during the winter, never run if the streets aren't plowed.
4. Avoid hills and running in the dark.
   
5. If you feel like you might pass out, stop.

Somehow, Steph has gotten me to break all of these rules.

I ran in the snow the other day. I once had looked at the prospect of running in the snow so romantically. Many runners had suggested what a beautiful experience it was as your mind slipped into a beauty that often passes unnoticed--the lightness of the flakes weighing on branches, the twinkling of the lights reflecting off the white ground, the thrill of catching the flakes on eyelids, and the surprise that the cold isn't as bitter as the day before.

There was no romanticism in my run. In fact, I rolled my ankle. Perhaps, again, it was mind over matter as my mind was never quite in it as initially I was breaking my first four rules just by going. Instead, this run reminded me that habits and mindsets are hard to reset. With the pain in my ankle and the worries that it might affect me later in the week, I kept rule five and walked.
As Steph and Marita ran another lap, I sat in the car.

I was close to tears, waiting... It hurt to feel defeated.


Time: 26 minutes (on Monday, 1/19)
Place: The Hilly Quarry
Weather: Snowy
Distance: 2.0 miles
Feeling: I thought it might be better than this...
Overall grade: D

I wonder

Why do people run when it is so cold it feels like the air is cutting hairline scrapes into their lungs as they breathe and making their nose hairs freeze?


Time: 48 minutes
Place: Pikestown
Weather: Cold, cold cold!!
Distance: 4.1 miles
Feeling: Brrrrrrrrrrr!
Overall grade: B

The Things We Do

There are some things in life that just shouldn't happen... things that literally stop the passage of time. Days push themselves by dauntingly, but somehow the experience seemingly remains frozen. For those of us who are left standing as witnesses not actually experiencing the event, we ponder, hope, talk all in an effort to help navigate the freeze.

As witnesses, we long to help and support their broken hearts. So we listen... we call even though we know it's going to be a difficult, strange, awkward conversation... we imagine what it would be like to be them and, on a particularly weak days, we shed a cold, thankful tear that we're not they... we send notes in the mail... we go to outings for the sole purpose of being by their sides... we remember the dates and send text messages just so they know they are not alone... we pop into their lives with the opposite energy as they have at the moment... we give small offerings of bound written words... we take part in things they enjoy... we pray.

Watching them heal themselves from the deepest of pains never gets easier for the witnesses. Sometimes it might even become frustrating or saddening that our feeble attempts are so limited. We know, though, that it bears only a fraction of the pain of struggle for the ones with the frozen event. We remember and we help them to break off the icicles.


Time: 33 minutes
Place: Paved Park
Weather: Cold, cold cold!!
Distance: 2.8 miles
Feeling: Brrrrrrrrrrr!
Overall grade: C

Excitement, Inspiration, Motivation!

I was completely excited by the mail today. In it came the envelope that bore one of the many perks of the obsession, sweat, tears, and giggles that I have held for the last ten months--tickets to the Inauguration and two of the official balls. The Presidential Inaugural Committee gave campaign and committee staffers the opportunity to attend the Ceremonies, an official ball, and the Staff Ball. This experience will be the culmination and celebration of the success we had two months ago.

I started working for Obama not because I have held a life long devotion for politics, but because he truly inspires me. President Elect Obama has always been my guy. I worked for him for six months, two of which were as a full time volunteer (paling in comparison to the hundreds of individuals who put their lives on hold for the better part of two years). I cherished his words and wondered again about the possibilities of this great nation--would our electorate really vote to be their President an African American man with a funny name who spoke of hope and taking personal investment in the government to create the change they desire? When I first saw Obama rally the crowds in September 2007, he delivered an eloquent speech filled with idealistic promises, keeping people engaged throughout. Like any good community organizer, though, he recognized that he needed to end with more than engagement, but with the impetus to act by inspiring the crowd. He told a story that is now famous, but it was my first time hearing it--"Fired Up! Ready to Go!" The thesis of the story shows that if one voice can change an attitude or the minds in a room, then one voice can also change the world. He ended the story and speech by saying, "OK, New York--Let's go change the world!" I would develop my own 'Obama story' over the next few months, but at that moment, I fell in political love with Barack Obama (as my volunteers liked to say).

I wish this could all transcend into an easy motivator to keep running... It doesn't. The Inauguration is thankfully approaching too quickly for there to be a significant change from my running in my appearance. It keeps me motivated and hopeful in life, though, and that makes me so excited, upon receiving tangible proof that change is coming, I danced around the house, ran around the quarry, and smiled. In fact, I am still smiling.


Time: 42 minutes
Place: The Hilly Quarry
Weather: Kinda Windy, 33 F
Distance: 3.8 miles (2 running; 1.8 run 4 min/walk 1)
Feeling: I hate hills!
Overall grade: C+

My First Fleet Feet Experience

Runners in my life have long suggested that I drop by the neighborhood Fleet Feet, a store devoted to running where you can test run shoes on a treadmill and purchase all necessary (and unnecessary) gear. The store also hosts groups for runners at all levels, providing an easy way into the running community. I tried to follow their advice, but as it turns out in Manhattan (where I had been living for the last six years), due to an over-saturated market, there are no Fleet Feet stores to be found.

But there is one in Baltimore.

We went to the running group on Thursday, a day that I previously may have deemed too cold to be outside. With the windshield, it felt like it was in the 20s. I could hear my previous self questioning what sane individual actually chooses to exercise outside in this weather. But running ten miles the first weekend in April won't be possible by just wishing and hoping it goes well (I've tried that strategy before) and while my schedule remains unhampered by the responsibilities of employment, I recognize that I should take advantage of it.

At this location, they run/walk in these groups. I took the slower of the two groups--running for two minutes, walking for run. We did this for 4.1 miles. It was surprisingly manageable. I actually finished the run not feeling disappointed, but slightly energized. That feeling may have been a first.

The run/walk concept violates my promise to run all ten miles in the Cherry Blossom. However, it builds a foundation--in distance and perhaps even confidence--to continue.


Time: 51 minutes
Place: Pikesville Neighborhoods
Weather: Kinda Windy, 33 F
Distance: 4.1 miles
Feeling: That wasn't awful!
Overall grade: B

The Power of Thought

For the record, I cannot remember once ever claiming to enjoy running… or even to like it. I like the experience of a rich decadent Belgian milk chocolate truffles filled with creamy vanilla caramel collapsing in my mouth. I like the smell of a new book that has called me mischievously from the bookshop table to read. I like to hope in the unseen and believe that life will take care of you. These things can simultaneously make my heart race and stop me cold on my path.

But running? Most of the time I only want to stop.

I have been told that this underlying attitude not only shapes my experience, but it also shapes my performance. I admit that I am not one to push myself to feel pain--too winded, too many cramps, too far beyond my comfort zone and I stop running and begin to walk. Apparently, according to those who have run with me, I subconsciously freak myself out, especially with distances. I believe it--a mile always seems like it should be shorter than it is and never flies by fast enough.

Today we ran in conditions that seemed like they were going to break at least two of the rules I have about running--Never run in the cold; never run if some sort of wetness is falling from the air. When we actually got to the small paved park, I was a little overdressed in four layers and there was no rain. It didn't seem like it was going to be as bad as I anticipated in the warm house--a more positive way to begin for certain.

I knew I had to go since it had been a while since I pathetically trounced on my parents' treadmill. Instead of finding an alternate activity, I wanted to run. Those thoughts made the first mile easier, and maybe I thought it was easier, too, because someone was there talking to me, making the eleven minutes go by faster.

During the second mile, especially on the miniscule hill (although really no hill is minor to me), I couldn't keep up. I was left to my own devices and decisions as to if and how I would continue. I read in Runner's World this week that sometimes it helps to keep the brain active by counting steps or saying a mantra. I got to 230 before I lost count, then repeated "Yes We Can" (a leftover mantra from my last job!) over and over. I was panting short breaths. My cramps were creeping into my abdomen. My throat was dry and my arms were tingling with fatigue. I was hot on top but had cold thighs. Could shin splints be far away? Might I be close to passing out?

It wasn't pretty, but it was progress. I didn't stop at all until I knew I hit two miles. My current thought--it's going to take a while for me to actually feel good about my performance running, but I also realize I have to keep going.

Today's Run:
Time: 22 minutes
Place: The Paved Park
Weather: Threatening to rain; 37 F
Distance: 2 miles
Feeling: Someday I'll be better
Overall grade: C-