The Power of Thought

For the record, I cannot remember once ever claiming to enjoy running… or even to like it. I like the experience of a rich decadent Belgian milk chocolate truffles filled with creamy vanilla caramel collapsing in my mouth. I like the smell of a new book that has called me mischievously from the bookshop table to read. I like to hope in the unseen and believe that life will take care of you. These things can simultaneously make my heart race and stop me cold on my path.

But running? Most of the time I only want to stop.

I have been told that this underlying attitude not only shapes my experience, but it also shapes my performance. I admit that I am not one to push myself to feel pain--too winded, too many cramps, too far beyond my comfort zone and I stop running and begin to walk. Apparently, according to those who have run with me, I subconsciously freak myself out, especially with distances. I believe it--a mile always seems like it should be shorter than it is and never flies by fast enough.

Today we ran in conditions that seemed like they were going to break at least two of the rules I have about running--Never run in the cold; never run if some sort of wetness is falling from the air. When we actually got to the small paved park, I was a little overdressed in four layers and there was no rain. It didn't seem like it was going to be as bad as I anticipated in the warm house--a more positive way to begin for certain.

I knew I had to go since it had been a while since I pathetically trounced on my parents' treadmill. Instead of finding an alternate activity, I wanted to run. Those thoughts made the first mile easier, and maybe I thought it was easier, too, because someone was there talking to me, making the eleven minutes go by faster.

During the second mile, especially on the miniscule hill (although really no hill is minor to me), I couldn't keep up. I was left to my own devices and decisions as to if and how I would continue. I read in Runner's World this week that sometimes it helps to keep the brain active by counting steps or saying a mantra. I got to 230 before I lost count, then repeated "Yes We Can" (a leftover mantra from my last job!) over and over. I was panting short breaths. My cramps were creeping into my abdomen. My throat was dry and my arms were tingling with fatigue. I was hot on top but had cold thighs. Could shin splints be far away? Might I be close to passing out?

It wasn't pretty, but it was progress. I didn't stop at all until I knew I hit two miles. My current thought--it's going to take a while for me to actually feel good about my performance running, but I also realize I have to keep going.

Today's Run:
Time: 22 minutes
Place: The Paved Park
Weather: Threatening to rain; 37 F
Distance: 2 miles
Feeling: Someday I'll be better
Overall grade: C-