Don't Ask Me To Justify It...

It is this type of story that make people fall away from the church. Heartbreaking, really, and so hard to understand...


Time: 33 minutes, 30 seconds
Place: Hilly Quarry
Weather: 38 degrees, feels like 31
Distance: 3 miles
Feeling: Starbucks waiting!
Overall grade: C+

Anything For A T-shirt

I think it was in 2006 or 2007 after a few of my friends had all run marathons that I picked up the book Anything For A T-shirt: Fred Lebow And The New York City Marathon, The World's Greatest Footrace. It turned out be an inspiring tale--describing how the will and effort of one can positively impact his surroundings. Lebow was a guy who loved New York and loved to run. The book concentrates on his story and dream of buidling the marathon in the city that he loved to be a place where thousands of people converged to celebrate running. He never stopped working at his dream or stopped running. Lebow watched his dream grow up, from when he ran in the city's inaugural marathon in 1970 when he was one of 55 runners to when he ran his last marathon in the city in 1992 after being diagnosed with brain cancer two years before. In 2003, nine years after he died, over 34,000 ran the New York City Marathon. By all measures, Lublow achieved his dream.

Lebow was known for saying that runners will do anything for a free t-shirt and I believe he was on to something. At Fleet Feet, for being a friendly and somewhat consistent member of their winter running program, I earned a free shirt. It surprised me just how good that felt. Added bonus--the shirt is cool! I. AM. A. WINTER. WARRIOR!!!! HEAR ME ROAR!



Time: about 51 minutes
Place: Pikesville
Weather: high 40s
Distance: 4.6 miles
Feeling: I shocked myself at just how hot I got.
Overall grade: B-

Priceless!

My bias is out on the table, so perhaps I am not the best to comment on the Republican response to President Obama's address to Congress last night. Given that Obama is an awesome orator and his speech writing team has an incredible command on the English language, it's not surprising that Governor Jindall seemed outclassed. It amazes me though that Jindall chose to use the government's response to Hurricane Katrina as a justification for not attempting to help those who are suffering. Apparently, I am not the only one dumbfounded!

UPDATE: And now this for sweet frosting on the cake! Good Gracious!


Time: 4:40, 4:35, 4:38, 4:41, 4:18
Place: Park School Track
Weather: 30s, with cold winds
Distance: 3.3 miles (.5 mile warm up, 5x800s, .3 mile cool down)
Feeling: Is that a shin splint?
Overall grade: B

We Interrupt Normal Blogging...

Here's an extremely important update for a previous post!


Time: 34 minutes, 30 seconds
Place: Absent the Golf Course
Weather: 30s, with strong winds
Distance: 3 miles
Feeling: Mixin it up with new scenery!
Overall grade: C+

Critters

I love the word critter--the etymology, the way it rolls out of my mouth, but mostly what the word means and represents. While critters technically are all living creatures, I always think of fuzzy, friendly, huggable, living beings.

Here are a couple of my absolute favorite critters:

This is Darcy, my beloved cat named after one of my favorite characters in literature. She's been living with her 'lovah,' Ian, lately, my old roommate who graciously agreed to take care of her while I was on the campaign.
Ian sent me some feline love on Valentine's Day. She looks awfully comfy in her current digs!

And here's Rocky, a truly furry buddy who keeps me from getting too lonely during the days. (He is the fine pooch of Steph and AJ).


Time: 45 minutes
Place: Hilly Quarry
Weather: 30s, with mild winds
Distance: 4 miles
Feeling: My mind's not into it and the iPod stopped.
Overall grade: C-

You know I ADMIRE the guy...

but even I find this a tad absurd. It's a little early to be placed so high on the list. Don't people know now the only place to go is down?


Time: 46 minutes
Place: Pikesville
Weather: 30s, but very windy
Distance: 4.1 miles
Feeling: Running is a very touch 'n' go activity for me.
Overall grade: B-

Questions

At this moment I am writing to sort things out and attempt to release.

A good friend of mine called today to tell me some awesome news--he got offered a fantastic job in the place--the only place--that he wanted to be... an amazing place in a position where, hopefully, he can make a difference. To hold the aspirations to get a job there may have been considered high hopes, holding on to the dream knowing that it may never come to fruition. He had moved on half heartily, but still remained open to possibility. It happened; I should be completely excited for him.

I'm finding it difficult not be more jealous than happy for him, and, on many levels, I hate myself for it. We actually have applied to jobs within the same organization, but doing completely different things. The rational side of my brain is slightly reassured that the process that is supposed to occur is happening. His skills fit the job perfectly; I am not even qualified for that position. The need for the position that he got is seen as higher priority than the one that I want. It is frustrating to me because in this process I have no control and little information. There is nothing I can do to help myself anymore than I have. I can't expedite the outcome. It truly is not the fact that he got that position, though, that makes me feel so envious... it is more that the dream we both share didn't elude him. It captured him. I just have to wait... and hope the dream finds me, too...

...and ponder: What am I going to do if it doesn't work out? If the dream escapes me, which I know that it could, what is my plan? And how long is too long to wait? And will it always sting knowing that he is there and I am not? The questions, and the murkiness of the answers, hurt surprisingly so.

How do I grow so that the happiness that I wish I sincerely felt... that I want to feel... that I do feel somewhere hidden below my own issues... is what surfaces and remains?

The first time he called I was shocked, so happiness emerged and the jealousy hadn't the time to set in. The second time he called to talk more details and I let it go to voicemail. I texted him the obligatory congratulations and typed I couldn't wait to hear all about his experiences, only a small lie that I want to become truth.

I am praying for grace and strength, and holding on to hope for acceptance, growth, and that I capture my own dream, too.


Time: 18:48
Place: Park School Track
Weather: Blech!
Distance: 2 mile Time Trial
Feeling: Push as hard as you can...
Overall grade: B-

Voice

It always came back to voice in my writing classes--develop your own voice, honor your voice with words, revise without losing your voice. To writers, voice is our distinct fingerprints.

It translates to the speaker's voice. When we talk, how we use words define our patterns. Do we insert 'like', 'uhs...', 'ums...', 'and that', 'you know' often, perhaps too many times? Do nerves affect us and how badly? To speakers, voice is a determining line.

It translates to our leaders. When they write, speak, act, they create a voice for the people they represent. Do we agree? Is the message what we would want, wish, hope to convey? To leaders, voice is possibility coupled with reality.

Voice defines how we are perceived. Voice defines how we communicate. Voice defines who we are.

An amazing writer, Zadie Smith, realizes the power of voice all too well, and delivered a smart, provocative article about the voice of our new president. It is well worth the read.


Time: 20 minutes, 30 seconds
Place: Hilly Quarry
Weather: Colder
Distance: 2 miles
Feeling: Recovery!
Overall grade: B

Slow, But Steadier

We ran eight miles on a flat course. I wanted to see if I could run that far without long walking breaks, so Steph set up to run 10 minutes and walk 1. It was supposed to simulate a race, figuring that I would walk through the water stations that would occur around every mile mark. It became an experiment to test my improvement and likelihood of finishing the Cherry Blossom within the time allotment.

The course was the NCR Trail, an old railroad that had become a biker's and runner's 'paradise' for the easy nature of the flat gravel course. Apparently if you take it out some 20 miles in a single direction, you can run right into Pennsylvania. Winter made the woods surrounding the path see-through; if I had strength to use my imagination, I'm sure my mind would have made a breathtaking landscape. As it was, the distance did enough to take my breath away.

Steph parked the car in the middle of our course. We ran two miles south, turned around and ran back to the car. We put in a true water and strecthing break at the half way point. Then, we ran two miles north, turned around and ran back to the car.

My Observations:

• During mile two and three my thigh and foot started to tingle on my left side, feeling a little bit like that leg was falling asleep.
• By mile three, I had developed blisters on the arches of both feet. I also got strangely fatigued and wanted to stop. Instead, we ran at a slow pace.
• By mile four, I was wishing we were at mile eight (big surprise!). I turned on the timer on my IPod to clock ten minutes.
• Steph talked to me for about four miles, but it must get awfully boring to have a one-sided conversation for 45 minutes.
• Steph said mile five was probably long. The trees got in the way of her GPS signal on her Garmin.
• Miles six and seven were quiet. We were in Gunpowder State Park and there weren't many people around. I liked the sound of our feet hitting the trail in sync.
• During miles five - seven, when I got tired, I checked my timer to see how much longer I had to push before I could walk. It was around 5:38 each time.
• With one mile left, I told Steph to run ahead. It can only be called an act of love to run that slow for that long. Her last mile was completed in less than eight minutes.
  
• During mile eight, the pain of my blistered feet surpassed the pain I normally feel breathing with tired lungs and chest muscles. I was beyond gleeful to know in the car were bagels, fruit snacks, kashi bars coated in chocolate, water, and a comfortable seat. The only marker that overtook that was Steph yelling out that I could stop. I had done it... and it didn't kill me... and with six more weeks of training to go, I was well within the time limit to finish the Cherry Blossom. All good things.

Yesterday I doubted my improvement. This run wasn't easy, and I wonder if eight miles will ever be. But, in this roller coaster experience that running has become for me, today I can see subtle progress from where I once was.

Eight Mile Run Lap Splits:
Mile 1: 10:02
Mile 2: 10:47
Mile 3: 12:03
Mile 4: 11:01
Mile 5: 12:17
Mile 6: 11:49
Mile 7: 11:54
Mile 8: 11:39

But, I also realize I am not where I want to be.

Time: 91 minutes
Place: NCR Trail
Weather: 30s
Distance: 8 miles
Feeling: Oy vey! I'm going to be sore!
Overall grade: C

A Beginner Runner's Dilemma

Because I actually have been posting the times and distances every time that I run, I now have quite a few samples to check my progress. Even though the post will read a different date, I am actually writing this on February 21, significant because I have just completed the first month of training for the Cherry Blossom. 40% done!

Looking at the data, I have emerged with a dilemma: Is Fleet Feet's style of the run/walk (for me, it has been 2/1) helping or hurting me? Or, another way to frame the question--does it really matter running the distances straight through?

I'm not a lot faster by solely running, maybe I shave a minute or two off of the total times for three or four mile runs. Both the run/walk and the straight run feel basically the same while being completed and after, because I usually run at a faster pace when I know I have a break coming after only two minutes. When I know I am supposed to run the longer distances nonstop, I hold back until the very end when I know I will make it.

I don't have the data to compare the longer runs yet. Truth be told, though, we have been doing the longer runs with our group from Fleet Feet, who only run/walk. If that remains the case, it raises another question, too--should I attempt to run the Cherry Blossom straight, without actually technically training to do that? Perhaps I physically will be ready, but mentally will I be prepared?

It is a conundrum.


Time: 46 minutes
Place: Roland's Trail Run
Weather: 40s
Distance: 4 miles
Feeling: Another day, another run...
Overall grade: C-

Too Much Time

This is evidence that I have too much time on my hands. I spent a couple hours baking red velvet cupcakes from scratch.... made the yummy cream cheese frosting from scratch... and then I applied the decorations. Arguably a fun activity and even a kind gesture, sure... but I barely even know Dana. You'd think from the picture that it was a dessert for a ten year old, but she's actually my age. I just got a little carried away...




Time: 4.5 x 800s
Place: Hilly Quarry
Weather: 68 degrees
Distance: 3.3 miles
Feeling: Nice to be outside!
Overall grade: C

I'm All For CRAZY!

This seemed a bit crazy to me at first read. However, I bet if more people had the same type of fear put into about all subjects, we'd definitely see a more expedient pace in changing our world. By that measure, I find it gutsy... smart... inspiring. Please, Mr. Gates, carry on!


Time: 21 minutes
Place: Hilly Quarry
Weather: 40s
Distance: 2 miles
Feeling: Puppy pulling!
Overall grade: B

WWSD?

Steph and AJ went to the Bahamas this weekend. When they left, I was given the keys to AJ's car, an incredibe act of trust. Steph was the key negotiator in making this occur, motivated because she did not want me to miss my long run over the weekend, an eight mile adventure through the hilly terrain at the Loch Raven Reservoir in the wee hours of Sunday morning.

I set the alarm. I got up and was in the car driving along in plenty of time... except that I forgot I was the one driving. Wrong turn here, missed exit there, as easy as counting to three I was lost, adding about twelve minutes to the time it took me to get to the starting point of the run. I watched my group run past as I drove to the parking spots on the hill. Strike one.

I thought I knew where they were going. We had done the same course last week. A mile up, a mile back, three miles to the dam, three miles back. I figured if I started running the mile up, I would see them running back and I would shave a mile off my run... I'd run seven instead of eight, but that was still a good distance and I'd stay on track with the mileage for the week. Running, running, running... I went the whole mile without seeing them. Strike two.

I turned around at the end of the road and headed back, starting my second mile. My group was from Fleet Feet, where they do the Galloway program. I'm part of the slow group, running 2 minutes, walking 1, averaging 12 minute miles. I knew I wasn't capable of running those hills straight for seven more miles. I knew that given the chance after running for a while, I would walk as much as I wanted. I didn't have a watch. Was running the eight mile course with no company, no music, no watch, and no way of regulation of steps even worth it? I'd even have to approximate mileage based on last week. Surely, trying was something for which I should be credited. It seemed like a valid strike three, but my mind kept coming back to this question--

What Would Stephanie Do?

I didn't have to ask. There is no way that Stephanie would have stopped running, or accepted any of those excuses. Barring a broken bone, there would not have been a reason to quit without doing the entire course.

So I kept going... I counted steps, hitting between 120 - 160 running steps to every 30 - 60 walking steps. It was a completely inaccurate adaptation of the program, but one that kept me running the 66% of the time. During the most difficult stretch of the course, I crossed paths with my group--they were headed down hill and I was headed up. A guy from the group joined me for the last few miles; I was grateful for the company and another form of regulating steps. Even though he didn't have a watch either, he kept me running until the end.

Guilt, pride, satisfaction played a part today in getting about eight miles logged in... and Stephanie was happy I did it, which made me happy, too.


Time: about 1:35
Place: Loch Raven/Ness Monster Run
Weather: 40s
Distance: about 8
Feeling: Guilt is a very powerful motivator.
Overall grade: around a B

Hostile Takeover?

With all the talks about the faltering economy, hopelessness for finding sustainable peace, and roadblocks to changing the world, this article is worth a read. I pawsed and was forced to giggle!


Time: 45 minutes
Place: Pikesville
Weather: 30s
Distance: about 4
Feeling: New routes always seem harder than the ones I know.
Overall grade: B

I Am Not A Runner Yet...

Since the start of the year, I have run 47.23 miles, or just about the distance from Stephanie's house in Baltimore to the Capital Building in Washington, DC. Most of those miles have been logged in for my training program for the Cherry Blossom Run in April. All of those miles have been logged in with Stephanie by my side. While my attitude has improved so that I am not always kicking and screaming at the thought of getting out there, I am convinced that I wouldn't have made it outside of Baltimore without her presence.

No matter how many times I go for a run a week, or how many miles I accumulate, I do not consider myself a runner. I struggle with every run. I need to convince myself that it won't be horrible to go, whether it is two miles or seven. While running, I tease myself that if I can make it to that point that I can stop the painful process of dragging my feet forward at a quick sloth's pace. I haven't found in the long or the short run the runner's cadence where I can work out stuff clogging the spaces of my brain or set free things that my heart needs to release. Often I am concentrating on those steps, and whatever area of my body is the most painful at that moment. At the end of the run, I always love that moment that I can sit down, thankful the torture is over. I always wish I could have felt less out of shape and moved just a bit faster. My favorite part of the run is the long, hot shower or bath that follows. A close second is eating something sweet that seems overly justified.

I'm not going to stop running. I'm curious as to whether it will ever get easier or more enjoyable... if I'll get in better shape... if I'll become faster and better able to handle a five mile run without my mind tripping out at the distance. I'd like that to happen... I'd like to make running a habit, but I'm not silly enough to think that I am there yet.


Time: 48 minutes
Place: Pikesville
Weather: 20s
Distance: 4.1 miles
Feeling: Could this be getting easier?
Overall grade: B

'I Got 99 Problems, but a BUSH Ain't One!'

On the night of President Obama's first day in the Oval Office, a party was held to celebrate the people who had put months of their lives on hold to make that day a reality--the campaign staff. It was a chance to show appreciation using the resources a new president has at his disposal--big stars, heroes of the campaign, and the newly sworn-in officials themselves. We were entertained by Arcade Fire and Jay Z. We were thanked and complimented by Kal Penn, David Plouffe (Campaign Manager, commonly thought of as a superhero in these circles), and Joe and Jill Biden. They enthralled us with statistics of what our work had created--including over 5,000 neighborhood teams hosting over 13,000,000 volunteers (a record by any standard of poltical campaigns), thousands of visits from speakers on behalf of the campaign, and, ultimately, 365 electoral votes.

The main act, of course, was when President Obama and the First Lady took the stage. Obama spoke without a script, because he knew the message he wanted to convey. A community organizer at heart, he understood that the many people gathered in that room were responsible for record turn outs showing support on election day. He also knew of the sacrifices that people made--big ones that were known and the little ones never discussed--to be a part of his journey which had led to that moment. He conveyed his pride in all of us, his thanks, and his hope that all of us would continue to work for the goals for which we advocated on the campaign in whatever path that brought.

At the end of the night, walking out the door meant the festivities were over and the days would turn to work. I said goodbye to friends with whom I shared a unique experience no one else quite understood, but a common connection that became more distant every day. There was no denying that we were returning back to our own worlds where my own path is still so uncertain, as is that of so many with whom I worked... and yet my heart remained in a dream. This experience has already created in me a passion to which I want to continue to grasp tightly.

During the campaign, I became obsessed with FiveThirtyEight, a fantastic political blog that tracked polls surprisingly accurately and appreciated campaigns by crediting the work of organizers. They reported on the ball. It's the best version I've read, and, if you follow the link, you can read about where I 'stole' my entry's title.


Time: 30 minutes (Tempo)
Place: Hilly Quarry
Weather: Mild Cold
Distance: 2.6 miles
Feeling: I can see the attraction to this kind of run...
Overall grade: B

The Spirit of the Day

Despite the passage of time that seemed much slower than I anticipated, the culmination of my obsessive behavior for the last nine months was here at last. Unlike other events where my role had been a spectator, this outcome was certain. It was the day for which I, and as it turned out millions of other Americans and citizens of the world, had been waiting--20 January 2008, the Inauguration of President Barack Hussein Obama.

Surrounded by thousands of people gathered to share a common experience and carrying in my heart the pure thrill of hundreds more with whom I worked so hard in partnership to make this day happen, I stood and breathed. I listened and cheered. I was swooped into a mob of goodwill, pushed to enter the gates of a new freedom.

There isn't a shortfall of accounts describing the particulars of the day. The crowd size, the tone and word choices of the speech, the glamor of the outfits have been well documented. Even the 'Purple Ticket Gate of Doom' and the lines at every corner to enter the Youth Ball live in legend. There were disappointments and aggravations, mostly small, throughout the course of my day that spanned twenty hours. At the end, though, they meant very little. They are not what I will remember.

Months prior, in my New York apartment I had watched Barack Obama deliver his speech after losing the New Hampshire primaries. I was dismayed as the results were reported, especially after following the polls and the press beliving that Obama would win by eight. Instead of concentrating on what must have felt bitterly disappointing, Obama chose to empower his supporters to keep believing in the inspiring idea that we are called to act to make our country better. It was when 'Yes We Can' became the mantra of 'a chorus of millions of voices calling for change.'

I stood in between the reflecting pool and the capital for the Inaugural Ceremonies, a small part of the realization of those words. In a time that can rightfully be called troubled, the new president implored us to 'pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off' and work together to bring better tomorrows. Feeling the pride of empowerment, the anticipation of a new era, the satisfaction of being present, the day sprung a spirit of hope eternal for me and those who made the journey. The possibilities are only beginning.



Time: 32 minutes
Place: The Paved Park
Weather: 46 degrees! with 12 mph winds
Distance: 3 miles
Feeling: Winds make a difference...
Overall grade: B-