Winter Wondering

How deep is a woman's scorn?

Somewhere, somehow, someone or something in the greater Baltimore area must have pierced Mother Nature through the heart. And she must be really, really angry.

How immersed can confusion be?

Or, maybe Mother Nature came to a decision--it was her turn to have fun... to partake in mind altering drugs, whether they be alcohol, mushrooms, or that one known as snow. And now she must be really confused.

How sweetly can prayers be answered?

My boss's daughter was left disappointed last week when four inches of snow led to only a two hour delay. "The conditions look very poor," the eight year old told her mother. A snow day was not to be... Her mom told her maybe she should pray for one. Maybe she did and her innocent prayers fell on Mother Nature's ears in a particular moment of compassion. Mother Nature rewarded the little girl for her purity of heart.

Something happened.

The irony of the picture above is this--while the sticks near the tear peeking out of the snow look like grass, they are actually three feet tall bushes. Those peeking sticks are the tops.

More snow is falling now--blizzard warnings are abound. In the front yard, there is already more than two feet on the ground. Two more feet are expected. We've already had three days (in a row) off work and kids already know they are out until next Tuesday.

The dog can't even touch.

Last week I was laughing heartily at 'wuss' factor found in Baltimoreans regarding snow. Having grown up in a northern state, four inches on the ground in my mind doesn't equate to a minute delay, let alone consideration for the day off. I'm not laughing now--this is like nothing I remember. (Or anyone else in the region, for that matter... Having over 60 inches fallen this season, it's the snowiest one EVER.)

An Amateur Cake Lady's Puzzlements.

In a certain (very small) circle, I have moved beyond my recognition as the 'bread girl' to the 'cake lady.' I am no Ace of Cakes Baker and if I ever tried to charge for my creations they would probably end up on this website. But these friends have come to rely on my homemade concoctions to celebrate birthdays and I am happy to oblige.

Making bread is a skill--to artisans (which I do not lay claim I am) a talent--that I am grateful I have learned. Over my tribulations during the year that might otherwise be blank of accomplishments, satisfaction sits with the fact that I taught myself (with the help of two very good books by Daniel Leader) how to bake bread (without a breadmaker!). Feeling as though you can provide for yourself and those you love one of the most basic needs (who doesn't know the most basic elements of food survival are bread and water?) is hard to surpass, especially when the process can result in something so tasty. I'm proud that I have learned this basic skill, one that my great grandparents probably used daily, and it certainly makes me feel more connected to the food I eat when I know exactly what is in the loaf and how it was made. Welcoming friends home to the smell of fresh bread in the oven or providing a fresh warm loaf to a dinner party provided the details that my ego required for every question that followed after.

Making a cake is something completely different. I often consider myself a puzzlement, and cake is just another example. It's no secret that I crave, need, love all things sweet... except cake. Unlike others who inhabit the dessert category, cake does not talk to me; it can sit in front of me for days. Sometimes I nibble on it (I wouldn't want to see it go to waste), but I do not crave it. Rarely before that year with too much time on my hands did I ever engage in making that sort of dessert.

Cake is still not my thing... and it will never be my favorite desert... but I find joy in the process (and secret tastes) of creating it. By making and caking for others, I can now bake a double layer chocolate cake with raspberry filling and homemade chocolate frosting with chocolate covered strawberries on top (the above picture). Or a super flavorful, not *super* sweet, lemonade cake. Or red velvet cupcakes with rich, yummy cream cheese frosting. Or a key lime pie topped with fresh meringue (wait a minute! that is not a cake! but I have made that successfully, too).

And yet, while I have made a couple of better batches lately, brownies--which I actually adore--still give me trouble. A total puzzlement.

Come Back Motivation!

I'm in a funk. I fell out of my routine (due to some unforeseen, extremely timely circumstances) and stopped going to the gym in the morning... I was on a roll for a while. I packed my bag--toiletries, a work outfit and even jewelry, coffee mug, breakfast bar, water, and lunch. I intentionally went to bed, putting aside silly tv shows or less silly book chapters. I woke up before the sun had risen and, despite my own internal monologue centered around how much I did not want to leave the comfort of warm blankets, got out of bed. I dressed in the gym clothes I laid out the night before. I left the house. I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I did this every work day. EVERY WORK DAY.

Until I didn't--at first it was just for a day because of meetings at work... and then for another day... and then almost a week. I haven't been once this week and it's already hump day. Tomorrow I can already see the excuse of another meeting and Friday is Friday. Why start when I haven't done anything all week? Plus there is more work stuff that day, so... well, you can see exactly where this is going.

This always happens in January... I lay the best well made plans at the beginning of the year to do all sorts of stuff... and then the middle of January comes along and plans get... put on held. I listened to a doctor the other day explain how that is actually a societal trend to retreat during the winter months (aka seasonal affective disorder) . I believe it. While I am not depressed, I recognize the rut I am in.

Monday presents an opportunity. We are actually moving offices on Friday, so Monday I will be forced to establish a new routine. I know it needs to include the gym in that routine. I have no excuses--it's an ordinary week next week without much interruption. What will the outcome be?

Doesn't Look Like Burnt Brownies, Does It?

Once upon a time, there was a girl who liked the idea of baking a lot, being as addicted to sweets as she was, but never really baked. And when she did try to bake, she never really found much success. During her first feeble unsupervised attempts, she made brownies from a box... three times. And three times her friends at the fire department had to come to shut off the smoke alarm. Inside the oven, the mix in the nine by nine pan was smoking. Oops.

Contrary to her lack of skills behind the wheel of an automobile, she couldn't blame this on genetics. She was raised on homemade goodies. In fact, for many years they followed her in parcel boxes all around the country and across oceans. Her mother had talent in the kitchen. More recently, her sister had proven she could design and deliver an entire Thanksgiving feast from start to finish with distinction (albeit an hour or two later than planned). The Christmas cookie tradition was carried on by her sister as well. Amazed, she really did wonder when her sister developed such skills.

The girl moved to New York and then, eventually, to Baltimore. In New York, she found a very receptive audience fpr her sweet experiments--kids and roommates--and, with practice, the results slowly started improving. She even had some signature cookie treats. (That pecan pie, though, was a good reminder that a pastry chef she was not! It may have even smoked a little...)

Baltimore brought time, interest, an appreciative patron, and a critic. She was living amidst people genuinely interested in the actual make-up, taste, and presentation of the product they put in their mouths. Food was the center of choice, conversation, and nourishment. She was able to learn and try, take encouragement, and accept criticism. And, finally, the mark was moved up. The critique was more advanced than the basic idea to follow the time suggested in the recipe to avoid a smoky house. It even helped her to peek her interest to cooking categories beyond baking.

It's amazing what a little belief and interest can produce. A fancy looking turtle cheesecake (all ingredients from crust to caramel made from scratch) to start!

Dueling Sister Blogs

Dedicated to my older sister, LearnerGirl...

You didn't name it as a challenge. In fact, I'm not even sure you knew I had a blog. But, that means little now--because I can read the words between all of your lines.

I accept your (undeclared) challenge--

I will write a post every time you do... because, you're right. We don't talk as often as we could and you can have my reactions to food, life, learning, and all that falls in between, too.

Post on, Bean!

That Time of Year

In the past eight weeks, things in my life changed... a lot. Two jobs, one car, no monthly credit card bill--all possible mostly because of the generosity of some very good souls and the willingness of strangers to take some risks.

Last year, I set resolutions around this time. I made a few, didn't come close to others... but still this time of year is a time to think of what you might want the coming year to bring, not by chance but by your own actions.

Still on the top of the list is getting in and remaining in shape. This blog started as a way to record my efforts. On the blog, I've dwindled away for months at a time without posting; the same is true with my running. Motivation goes up and down. December, actually, was a great month for me--when I started my new job at the University of Maryland, I joined their new, super swank gym with a friend. My commute is better the earlier I leave for work, so every day for almost three weeks I went to the gym, usually running a couple miles on the treadmill. I hope to keep that up.

I plan on keeping a budget for the first time in my life.

I want to travel to another continent--South America or Africa. I have said that for a couple of years now, but I hope to actually do it this year. I'm thinking October would be a great time to go.

Maybe this year I can go three for three...

Back At It!

So, yes, I know.... I've taken a rather long break. If you look at it, you'll see it's practically the entire summer. Can you guess why?

My first summer in Maryland was H-O-T! and I stopped running.

At first, I didn't want to stop. I would go out in the cute summer digs I recently reclaimed from storage. My intentions were pure. Intentions, however, do not equal a destination or even continued motivation. I made it down the hill upon which this house rests and partially up the next... and turned around, covered in sweat, feeling like a lousy buck. Soon, I didn't even make it to the door. I never thought I'd learn that there is actually something worse than cold weather running.

Seasons change. The story moves on.

I wish running was more like opening an abandoned book. You see that old book on your shelf and finger through the pages and remember exactly where you left off, so you can just begin again. I know it won't be like that. I'll struggle... again... wish it were easier... again... ponder why exactly such torture is necessary... what is it all for?

I made my answer slightly easier by signing up for the Celtic Solstice, a 5 mile race, in December. I ran it last year miserably. What kind of difference does a year make? I'll be able to tell you in minutes!

In the meantime, I have some things planned for this blog--food stories of how a girl who lit brownies on fire three times in a row in college (and, yes, the fire department came twice) learned to make and bake, revisiting old places and old characters, a commentary here and there, and maybe even the end to that Baltimore 10 miler I promised. Stay put, please--leave the running to me!

Ridiculous

Never doubt the maturity of elected officials! Almost made me thankful I left New York...

A View From The Back

Oooh! What a feeling!

Today was the Baltimore Ten Miler Race Steph and I signed up for so long ago. We had a love/hate relationship with the training for this race... it seemed I loved to hate the structure demanded of the training as much as I appreciated it for the Cherry Blossom. Given, this race was different; I already knew I could finish and not topple over at the end. As the days (many filled with rain or heat reaching levels I never need) turned to weeks, the goal of finishing in an hour and forty minutes became less and less important. This week I came to the conclusion that I just wanted the race to be fun... to celebrate that my training period has entered a remission and to let go of the idea that running is a chore... Running over the summer will be an act of enjoyment without the pressures or concerns of making a specific mark.

Even with expectations of a pace or a PR lifted, I wondered this morning if the race could be enjoyable. The weather looked grim--the doppler showed heavy rain and possible lightening moving in with mild heat. The course was certainly hillier than the Cherry Blossom--forging ahead on the hills would be par for course. But Steph had decided to run along side me, instead of jetting off in her typical gazelle manner. All factors considered, we strategically planned to walk and run. I suggested five minute runs at a 9:30 pace and one minute walks at a 17/18:00 pace (a combination that I had become comfortable doing my solo trainings on the hills of Baltimore county).

We chose the comfortable route--to use the facilities before we began (smelly but worthwhile choice). The skies opened as our chips hit the pad; the course inside the park would prove to be very wet. Our place was at the end of the pack. Far from crowded as we worked to find our stride, it gave us the chance to enjoy the setting we were in, which would be more difficult to notice on the return climb to the the finish. There were the characters of our race--people who knew they weren't winning so they decided to enjoy it--a joggler and racing jump roper, other run/walkers, and true recreational participants. We overheard people talking and laughing as we passed by.

We stayed the course with our plan... our miles varied by entire minutes, most likely depending on whether one or two walk periods fell within a mile and the number of hills we encountered. The race was fairly flat for Baltimore; I remember several small to medium sized hills along the way and Steph was willing to concede it was a 'hilly' course. We cheered the speedy cheetahs on their return. We viewed specks of color moving around the circular lake, many in front of us and some behind. We thanked the police officers as we passed by the streets they were preventing cars from passing. We smiled for the cameras, running in stride as we passed. We couldn't escape the commissioner or his recruits (see a future post for more on that), and appreciated the spirit of the game and activity. We picked people off (mostly on the uphills), and I felt a sense of pride knowing I was not among the heaviest of breathers.

I felt good until mile 8, and then I was tired. At that point, though, we had started taking some of the walks out of the plan... The ever-ever-so-sly Steph suggested we only walk on an upwards incline, which seemed logical to me... Funny how it turned out that, with the exception of the final mile climb, I remember more downhills than up (even though I know that is highly improbable). The last mile was painful involving the skies welcoming us back with a heavy, squishy-in-the-shoes, downpour, a hill that inched on forever, and hard miles that seemed to go on forever. It wasn't so bad that I wanted to quit altogether, I suppose, but Steph's extra shot of motivation definitely inspired my legs to remain in running mode.

Steph said the race was long, measuring in on her Garmin at 10.33 miles. At 10 miles, our time for the race was 1:39:43, thereby breaking my goal and previous record. The official time will be a bit longer, but it still will be faster than my Cherry Blossom pace. The time really didn't matter to me, though. I crossed a threshold today; it was not that I had a PR (a nice side feat), but that running did NOT seem like a chore. I will think back to the camaraderie of the day--runners together--Steph and me--in the storm making their way. Even in the rain, and maybe because of the rain, and certainly because I had Steph at my side, I liked it... and that's a memory worth keeping.

Favorite Quote of the Past Week

Masters of Disaster

So Bobby Jindal makes fun of “volcano monitoring”, and soon afterwards Mt. Redoubt erupts. Susan Collins makes sure that funds for pandemic protection are stripped from the stimulus bill, and the swine quickly attack.

What else did the right oppose recently? I just want enough information to take cover.

-Paul Krugman, Conscience of a Liberal Blog

Time: 29:31
Place: Goucher Loop
Weather: high 50s, rainy
Distance: 3.35 miles
Feeling: I wish I had an internal pace machine...
Overall grade: B+

Motionless

Do you ever feel like sometimes progress just stands still?

My motivation to run has gone up and down and all around lately. I know that the weather-- the activity's energy and feeling in the heat--has been part of it. Hot conditions are an entirely new beast for me to tackle and become comfortable with... I know I am not there yet. It's significantly harder for me to judge my own body's signals because I have never pushed myself in this weather before. Truth be told, rarely have I ever been one to push myself to the limits of full exertion. I am just beginning to understand what the varying levels of exertion my body could handle in spring temperatures. I'm not ready for the seasons to change.

My challenge to lose the extra campaign pounds is now one mostly within my own head... the side challenges are a nice benefit, but ultimately they have lost the appeal to motivate me. The last time I got on a scale I was within the right BMI measurements for my height. Taking off the pounds is not crucial; it is merely something I would like. The question in my head is how much do I want it? I have to answer that question every day for myself and remain steadfast in the answer--saying no to foods I would love to devour but make little dietary or nutional sense for me to eat while I try to restrict calories. I definitely haven't created habit, so I wonder if it really is sustainable... especially if the scale betrays me with disappointing numbers. All of this effort ought to bear results.

I'd like in all areas of my life for the motion to be soaring. I will have to settle for taking the steps to put that flight in motion.


Time: 28:35
Place: The Hilly Quarry
Weather: high 80s
Distance: 2.7 miles
Feeling: Argh! I'm a total wuss!
Overall grade: B-

Race Day, Revisited

I made it! I didn't get swept up by the bus or forced to leave the course! I never stopped running, although my pace was slower than I would have liked. The course was beautiful with full blooms, but ten miles is long whether or not it's pretty. My training paid off and I felt as I had trained--not pushing myself so much that I was soar the next the day, probably indicating that I could have gone faster.

The best part of the race was the mix. On it I had songs that reminded me of all the people whom I knew were cheering me on in spirit and thought. It made me smile as the songs blared in my ears, bringing about the close to the impossible--a smile.

I didn't reach my 100 minute goal, a bit disappointing but not incredibly surprising. Sometimes, goals take more than one attempt to reach. I signed up for another race in June--the Baltimore 10 Miler--to give it another try. Seven minutes to shave off my time--my hopes are high.


Time: 1:47:52
Place: Cherry Blossom Race Course
Weather: 60s
Distance:10 miles
Feeling: Lots of weaving; slower than goal
Overall grade: B-

Preparation For The Big Day

I had the sweetest of surprises occur. My fellow challenger and motivator from afar, Dave, called to wish me good luck on Sunday... and to share how proud he was of what I had done so far. Because I know he gets it, the gesture meant a lot.

I'm feeling fairly nervous... a litle excited... and a lot more invested than I thought I would be. How I do matters to me, and that is definitely a change than any race I have run before. Sunday's coming, and I hope I'm ready to shine.


Time: 10 minutes
Place: Paved Park
Weather: 60s
Distance: 1 mile
Feeling: Loosey Goosey
Overall grade: B+

Happy Fools Day!

Google is taking over the world! Scary, but true!


Time: 14 minutes, 21 seconds
Place: Hilly Quarry
Weather: 60s
Distance: 3 miles
Feeling: I grew wings last night!
Overall grade: B+

The National Aquarium

I went for an early run this morning on fatigued legs (and hereby assert that maybe leaving only twelve hours between two runs isn't the best planning). The run was followed by an ice pack to my shin, a hot shower, a good breakfast of Fage yogurt and fruit, and a trip with Steph and her parents to the National Aquarium, in Baltimore and home to lots of critters!




I was most fond of a totally spastic puffin who burst in and out, underneath and across the water like a piece of popping corn. His speed, an endearing aspect of his performance, made it nearly impossible to get a clear picture, especially from behind the glass.

I enjoyed watching the turtles, too, and they were more my speed. It looks like this guy might even be posing!

Time: 44 minutes
Place: Hilly Quarry
Weather: Cold Rain (42)
Distance: 4 miles
Feeling: Pulling 500 pound weights with me for each leg
Overall grade: C

DC Flowers

Steph's parents and I walked around the city for six hours, and then I went for a quiet, long midweek run in the woods.

This is one type of unusual orchid housed at the United States Botanic Gardens. I like how some of the petals look like spaghetti... or maybe double helices.

Time: 1:04
Place: Dog Park Trail
Weather: 50
Distance: 6 miles
Feeling: Tired Shin Screams
Overall grade: C+

Too Good Not To Use!

My friend David always has really clever and/or provocative updates in his Gmail status. I stole the one below from him. (Make sure you follow the links in order so they make sense!)

"This is quite funny. They are finishing each others' sentences and fixing each others' ties. And even better: "Buy one, get the second 30% off"--maybe that's the formula they should use for the toxic assets."

Awesome!

Time: 33 minutes
Place: Hilly Quarry
Weather: 50
Distance: 3 miles
Feeling: Wine before running?
Overall grade: C+

Tapestry of a Run

I know that days are playing tricks. It is the first day of spring, and yet I am wearing tights and pants and three layers on top. It is not moist and daylight savings time has already come, so there are no immediate connections to winter present, except the frigid sensation of air meeting my uncovered skin. As I stretch my legs from side to side, breathing in, breathing out, I see my lingering breath joining the cool air. My nose tingles after only minutes.

The road ahead is a long distance today; I have almost reached the summit of my training. I am prepared for what is to come, but I am not necessarily looking forward to the hills that I cannot see over in my future. The road is barren, minus the scores of runners. My feet sail over the cracks in the pavements, showing the wear and age of the road on its side, nestling bits of white rock in the darkness. My body is slowly starting to warm up; only my nose and cheeks, thighs, and slivers of my stomach remain sweat free.

If spring is beginning to awaken, it is in the hidden smells and sounds that betray its intentions. The lake, no longer captured under layers of ice, releases its wild scent. Light winds carry the scent onward and it is clear miles away that water is near. The soft sounds of flocks flying is nearly hushed by the noise of the geese's chatter. These birds have been present for the entire winter, but only now do they seem relaxed. The fox we once saw gliding along the ice can no longer venture so close.

The undressed branches of the trees leave shadows I view as I travel onward. A little dance in the sunlight they make silently since the shuffle of their clothing has yet to flourish. Patches of green push up from below last season's fashions, daring the discarded to take their places in the furthest patches of the forest's closets. I think of how lucky their destined renewal is, how I long for that renewal, too. I listen to my breathing becoming louder; my lungs are tiring from constant increased activity.

Muffled music of a runner's iPod is along side of me. I am approaching a steady climb upwards. My feet are in sync with my partner's, pushing, pushing, pushing. I listen to our syncronized feet hitting the pavement, one after another, assuring myself that if I have lost my pace, I have done so in unison with another. These hills cause me to think about and feel each step ahead. My body is readying itself for the pain in my shin, my back, my mind that is sure to follow. Drops of sweat slip down my face stinging my eye, entering into my mouth. It is the saltiness of expired energy.

I have stopped to take in liquids, fully enjoying the cold waterfall flow down my throat and expunge the dryness from my mouth. All my movement has been at a slow runner's pace. Back and out, the sights repeat themselves. I have only the bridge and the flowing hills until I meet the finishing post. The sky has turned a brighter shade of light blue. The sun's rays offer a more intense warmth, even as the air remains cool and crisp to the skin. My body has become a minute generator, turned on so long as I remain in motion.

As if to counter the ever present fatigue that is translating to pain my body, my mind drifts ahead to the comfort of the leather seat in the car. Waiting for me is a sweet chocolate square that is almost making my dry tongue's buds water. There are only a few more hustled steps until I am where I need to be.


Time: 1 hr, 24 min
Place: Loch Raven/Ness Monster
Weather: High 20s
Distance: 8 miles
Feeling: 99% > 70%
Overall grade: B-

Pounding Through

On some runs, even though I have yet to find my 'runner's cadence' where I just slip into the thrills of propelling my body forward on my strong, rhythmic legs, the distance is no longer foreboding. I can run three or four miles and still feel relatively solid afterward, even if there were sizable hills or we pushed the pace faster than I thought I could go. On some days, I am inspired by those with whom I am running--Stephanie daring me to never let up, the steady footprints of a runner behind me closing in, a story told by a friendly runner in a training group. They cause the miles to hasten by.

Today I was on my own on a course I never traveled fully. I ran down a large hill to start and over rolling hills to a trail. I hit the trail, which was really muddy and slippery from the morning's rain, for about two miles taking me to a lonely park hidden away. I took a break to get photographic evidence that I made it there (note the picture), and returned on the same route back.

The whole adventure was really hard.

From the first mile to the last, I felt sluggish. My legs were tired; my breathing was heavy; my mind was tripping over whatever lay ahead--the distance, the condition of the course, my slow running pace. As the miles wore on, each time my left leg pounded the dirty path, my shin screamed. The screams started quietly, but as expected their volume increased. They never were debilitating, just nagging enough so that my mind never was able to forget that the function my legs were doing is work... and, today, it was difficult work.

Eight weeks ago, I may have had a different tale to write, one based in taking the easy way out. If today's run was satisfying, it was only because I did it out of my own initiative and desire to stick to a training program that will help me finish my race.


Time: 1 hr, 7 min (33:40 for the 5K)
Place: Dog Park Trails
Weather: 52
Distance: 6 miles
Feeling: Good for the shins/Bad for the shoes
Overall grade: C+

Admission

Too much, too fast? Overuse? Poor training surfaces? Not enough stretching? Not enough rest? Bad shoes? Some combination of two or three or all?

I have a hard time believing any of those things are true about my running program. Whatever the cause is, I have a shin splint. It's in my left leg. It is still in the beginning stages, meaning it only bothers me during some runs, some of the time. On sluggish days, it hurts more than when I feel fresh. On track days, by the end if I have really pushed myself, the pain can be fairly intense.

I am following my doctor's orders, stretching, icing, using anti-inflammatory medication. The race is less than three weeks away. I don't want it to get any worse.


Time: 32 minutes, 2 seconds
Place: Hilly Quarry
Weather: 60
Distance: 3 miles
Feeling: Sluggish
Overall grade: B-