Winter Wondering

How deep is a woman's scorn?

Somewhere, somehow, someone or something in the greater Baltimore area must have pierced Mother Nature through the heart. And she must be really, really angry.

How immersed can confusion be?

Or, maybe Mother Nature came to a decision--it was her turn to have fun... to partake in mind altering drugs, whether they be alcohol, mushrooms, or that one known as snow. And now she must be really confused.

How sweetly can prayers be answered?

My boss's daughter was left disappointed last week when four inches of snow led to only a two hour delay. "The conditions look very poor," the eight year old told her mother. A snow day was not to be... Her mom told her maybe she should pray for one. Maybe she did and her innocent prayers fell on Mother Nature's ears in a particular moment of compassion. Mother Nature rewarded the little girl for her purity of heart.

Something happened.

The irony of the picture above is this--while the sticks near the tear peeking out of the snow look like grass, they are actually three feet tall bushes. Those peeking sticks are the tops.

More snow is falling now--blizzard warnings are abound. In the front yard, there is already more than two feet on the ground. Two more feet are expected. We've already had three days (in a row) off work and kids already know they are out until next Tuesday.

The dog can't even touch.

Last week I was laughing heartily at 'wuss' factor found in Baltimoreans regarding snow. Having grown up in a northern state, four inches on the ground in my mind doesn't equate to a minute delay, let alone consideration for the day off. I'm not laughing now--this is like nothing I remember. (Or anyone else in the region, for that matter... Having over 60 inches fallen this season, it's the snowiest one EVER.)

An Amateur Cake Lady's Puzzlements.

In a certain (very small) circle, I have moved beyond my recognition as the 'bread girl' to the 'cake lady.' I am no Ace of Cakes Baker and if I ever tried to charge for my creations they would probably end up on this website. But these friends have come to rely on my homemade concoctions to celebrate birthdays and I am happy to oblige.

Making bread is a skill--to artisans (which I do not lay claim I am) a talent--that I am grateful I have learned. Over my tribulations during the year that might otherwise be blank of accomplishments, satisfaction sits with the fact that I taught myself (with the help of two very good books by Daniel Leader) how to bake bread (without a breadmaker!). Feeling as though you can provide for yourself and those you love one of the most basic needs (who doesn't know the most basic elements of food survival are bread and water?) is hard to surpass, especially when the process can result in something so tasty. I'm proud that I have learned this basic skill, one that my great grandparents probably used daily, and it certainly makes me feel more connected to the food I eat when I know exactly what is in the loaf and how it was made. Welcoming friends home to the smell of fresh bread in the oven or providing a fresh warm loaf to a dinner party provided the details that my ego required for every question that followed after.

Making a cake is something completely different. I often consider myself a puzzlement, and cake is just another example. It's no secret that I crave, need, love all things sweet... except cake. Unlike others who inhabit the dessert category, cake does not talk to me; it can sit in front of me for days. Sometimes I nibble on it (I wouldn't want to see it go to waste), but I do not crave it. Rarely before that year with too much time on my hands did I ever engage in making that sort of dessert.

Cake is still not my thing... and it will never be my favorite desert... but I find joy in the process (and secret tastes) of creating it. By making and caking for others, I can now bake a double layer chocolate cake with raspberry filling and homemade chocolate frosting with chocolate covered strawberries on top (the above picture). Or a super flavorful, not *super* sweet, lemonade cake. Or red velvet cupcakes with rich, yummy cream cheese frosting. Or a key lime pie topped with fresh meringue (wait a minute! that is not a cake! but I have made that successfully, too).

And yet, while I have made a couple of better batches lately, brownies--which I actually adore--still give me trouble. A total puzzlement.

Come Back Motivation!

I'm in a funk. I fell out of my routine (due to some unforeseen, extremely timely circumstances) and stopped going to the gym in the morning... I was on a roll for a while. I packed my bag--toiletries, a work outfit and even jewelry, coffee mug, breakfast bar, water, and lunch. I intentionally went to bed, putting aside silly tv shows or less silly book chapters. I woke up before the sun had risen and, despite my own internal monologue centered around how much I did not want to leave the comfort of warm blankets, got out of bed. I dressed in the gym clothes I laid out the night before. I left the house. I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I did this every work day. EVERY WORK DAY.

Until I didn't--at first it was just for a day because of meetings at work... and then for another day... and then almost a week. I haven't been once this week and it's already hump day. Tomorrow I can already see the excuse of another meeting and Friday is Friday. Why start when I haven't done anything all week? Plus there is more work stuff that day, so... well, you can see exactly where this is going.

This always happens in January... I lay the best well made plans at the beginning of the year to do all sorts of stuff... and then the middle of January comes along and plans get... put on held. I listened to a doctor the other day explain how that is actually a societal trend to retreat during the winter months (aka seasonal affective disorder) . I believe it. While I am not depressed, I recognize the rut I am in.

Monday presents an opportunity. We are actually moving offices on Friday, so Monday I will be forced to establish a new routine. I know it needs to include the gym in that routine. I have no excuses--it's an ordinary week next week without much interruption. What will the outcome be?

Doesn't Look Like Burnt Brownies, Does It?

Once upon a time, there was a girl who liked the idea of baking a lot, being as addicted to sweets as she was, but never really baked. And when she did try to bake, she never really found much success. During her first feeble unsupervised attempts, she made brownies from a box... three times. And three times her friends at the fire department had to come to shut off the smoke alarm. Inside the oven, the mix in the nine by nine pan was smoking. Oops.

Contrary to her lack of skills behind the wheel of an automobile, she couldn't blame this on genetics. She was raised on homemade goodies. In fact, for many years they followed her in parcel boxes all around the country and across oceans. Her mother had talent in the kitchen. More recently, her sister had proven she could design and deliver an entire Thanksgiving feast from start to finish with distinction (albeit an hour or two later than planned). The Christmas cookie tradition was carried on by her sister as well. Amazed, she really did wonder when her sister developed such skills.

The girl moved to New York and then, eventually, to Baltimore. In New York, she found a very receptive audience fpr her sweet experiments--kids and roommates--and, with practice, the results slowly started improving. She even had some signature cookie treats. (That pecan pie, though, was a good reminder that a pastry chef she was not! It may have even smoked a little...)

Baltimore brought time, interest, an appreciative patron, and a critic. She was living amidst people genuinely interested in the actual make-up, taste, and presentation of the product they put in their mouths. Food was the center of choice, conversation, and nourishment. She was able to learn and try, take encouragement, and accept criticism. And, finally, the mark was moved up. The critique was more advanced than the basic idea to follow the time suggested in the recipe to avoid a smoky house. It even helped her to peek her interest to cooking categories beyond baking.

It's amazing what a little belief and interest can produce. A fancy looking turtle cheesecake (all ingredients from crust to caramel made from scratch) to start!

Dueling Sister Blogs

Dedicated to my older sister, LearnerGirl...

You didn't name it as a challenge. In fact, I'm not even sure you knew I had a blog. But, that means little now--because I can read the words between all of your lines.

I accept your (undeclared) challenge--

I will write a post every time you do... because, you're right. We don't talk as often as we could and you can have my reactions to food, life, learning, and all that falls in between, too.

Post on, Bean!

That Time of Year

In the past eight weeks, things in my life changed... a lot. Two jobs, one car, no monthly credit card bill--all possible mostly because of the generosity of some very good souls and the willingness of strangers to take some risks.

Last year, I set resolutions around this time. I made a few, didn't come close to others... but still this time of year is a time to think of what you might want the coming year to bring, not by chance but by your own actions.

Still on the top of the list is getting in and remaining in shape. This blog started as a way to record my efforts. On the blog, I've dwindled away for months at a time without posting; the same is true with my running. Motivation goes up and down. December, actually, was a great month for me--when I started my new job at the University of Maryland, I joined their new, super swank gym with a friend. My commute is better the earlier I leave for work, so every day for almost three weeks I went to the gym, usually running a couple miles on the treadmill. I hope to keep that up.

I plan on keeping a budget for the first time in my life.

I want to travel to another continent--South America or Africa. I have said that for a couple of years now, but I hope to actually do it this year. I'm thinking October would be a great time to go.

Maybe this year I can go three for three...

Back At It!

So, yes, I know.... I've taken a rather long break. If you look at it, you'll see it's practically the entire summer. Can you guess why?

My first summer in Maryland was H-O-T! and I stopped running.

At first, I didn't want to stop. I would go out in the cute summer digs I recently reclaimed from storage. My intentions were pure. Intentions, however, do not equal a destination or even continued motivation. I made it down the hill upon which this house rests and partially up the next... and turned around, covered in sweat, feeling like a lousy buck. Soon, I didn't even make it to the door. I never thought I'd learn that there is actually something worse than cold weather running.

Seasons change. The story moves on.

I wish running was more like opening an abandoned book. You see that old book on your shelf and finger through the pages and remember exactly where you left off, so you can just begin again. I know it won't be like that. I'll struggle... again... wish it were easier... again... ponder why exactly such torture is necessary... what is it all for?

I made my answer slightly easier by signing up for the Celtic Solstice, a 5 mile race, in December. I ran it last year miserably. What kind of difference does a year make? I'll be able to tell you in minutes!

In the meantime, I have some things planned for this blog--food stories of how a girl who lit brownies on fire three times in a row in college (and, yes, the fire department came twice) learned to make and bake, revisiting old places and old characters, a commentary here and there, and maybe even the end to that Baltimore 10 miler I promised. Stay put, please--leave the running to me!